A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final
exam She tells the class there would be no excuse for not showing up
except for serious injury or illness or a death in the student's
immediate family. A smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, "What
about extreme sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to
stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the
teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and
sweetly says: "Not an excuse. You can use your other hand to write
with."

Homosexual Jokes
Jesse James jumped on a train and said, OK, I'm going to rob all the women and
rape all the men. A man said don't you have that backwards, and a feminine voice 
from a man in back said, you shut the hell up, who's robbing this train you or Jesse James...................

A man bursted in a bar and said allright, everyone on that side of the bar is a queer
and everyone on that side is a son of a bitch, anybody don't like it step up here.
A man started prancing up and the man said, damnit, you want some trouble?
He said OH NO, I'M JUST ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROOM............................................................

A homosexual went in a bar and said in a high pitched voice, hey bartender,
pour me a drink. The bartender said get the hell out of here we don't serve
your kind in here. He walks down to the next bar and the same thing happens,
he gets thrown out. By now he's really wanting a drink. He goes in a bar and 
in a changed very low pitched voice he says hey bartender, pour me a drink.
The bartender said in a very high pitched voice, Get the hell out of here,
we don't serve your kind in here..............................................................................................

A man walking to work each day started taking a shortcut through the town park
and each day he had to fight off the advances of many homosexuals hanging around 
in the park. Finally after he could not take it anymore he went to the Police Dept.
He told the captain, I'm fed up, every time I walk through the park going to 
and from work I have queers hanging all over me. The captain stood up and in a 
feminine high voice said, If you don't like our park, you stay out of it..................

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
>>>"Are you sure it's mine?"
>>>=========================================================
>>>Mom's have Mother's Day, Father's have Father's Day.
>>>What do single guys have?
>>>Palm Sunday
>>>========================================================
>>>Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
>>>The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
>>>========================================================
>>>Why do drivers education classes in Redneck schools use the car
>>> only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
>>> Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
>>> ====================
>>> What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
>>> A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of
>>> the cage,along with a recipe.
>>> ====================
>>> How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say f*ck?
>>> Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
>>> =====================
>>> What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
>>> fairytale?
>>> A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
>>> A southern fairytale begins 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit...
>>>======================================================
>>>Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
>>>Mace will do that to you.
>>>====================================================
>>>If you are having sex with one woman and another walks in, what
>>>do you have?
>>>Divorce proceedings, most likely.
>>>=============================================================
>>>What three two-letter words denote "small"?
>>>"Is it in?"
>>>=============================================
>>>Why did God create alcohol?
>>>So ugly people have a chance to have sex too