This is a true story from the Word Perfect =help line.
 Needless to say the help desk employee was fired;
 however, the person is currently suing the Word =
Perfect organization for "termination without cause". This =
is from the taped conversation leading up to =dismissal:
 "Word Perfect Technical Desk, may I help you?"

 "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with Word Perfect."

 "What sort of trouble?"

 "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden =
the words went away."

 "Went away?"

 "They disappeared."

 "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

 "Nothing."

 "Nothing?"

 "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

 "Are you still in Word Perfect, or did you get =out?"

 "How do I tell?"

 "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

 "What's a sea-prompt?"

 "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the
 screen?"

 "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept
 anything I type!"

 "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

 "What's a monitor?"

 "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.

 "Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

 "I don't know."

"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see =
that?"

 "Yes, I think so."

 "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if
 it's plugged into the wall."

"......Yes, it is."

 "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, =
not
 just one?"

 "No."

 "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

"Okay, here it is."

 "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely
 into the back of your computer."

 "I can't reach."

 "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

 "No."

 "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and =
lean way over?"

 "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle
 -it's because it's dark."

 "Dark?"

 "Yes -the office light is off, and the only light I
have is coming in from the window."

 "Well, turn on the office light then."

 "I can't."

 "No? Why not?"

 "Because there's a power outage."

 "A power... A power outage? Aha, Okay, we've got it
 licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals =
and
 packing stuff your computer came in?"

 "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

 "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack =
it
 up just like it was when you got it. Then take it =
back
 to the store you bought it from."

 "Really? Is it that bad?"

 "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

 "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell =
them?"

 "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
____________________________________________________________________

CHECK YOUR COMPUTER FOR THE FOLLOWING VIRUSES:

LEWINSKY VIRUS
Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about
what it did.

MIKE TYSON VIRUS
Quits after one byte.

OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS
Your 300mb hard drive suddenly shrinks to 100mb and then slowly expands
to 200mb.

DR. JACK KEVORKAIN VIRUS
Deletes all old files.

ELLEN DEGENERES VIRUS
You can no longer insert disks into your computer.

TITANIC VIRUS
Your whole computer goes down.

DISNEY VIRUS
Everything in your computer goes goofy.

PROZAC VIRUS
Screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care.

JOEY BUTTAFUCCO VIRUS
Only attacks minor files

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS
Terminates some files, leaves, but it'll be back.

LORENA BOBBIT VIRUS
Turns your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy.

VIAGRA VIRUS
Turns your 3.5 inch floppy into a hard drive.