: A blonde guy

> > A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises
> > coming from
> > the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife
> > naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says.
> > "I'm having a
> > heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the
> > phone, but
> > just as he's dialing, his 4 year old son comes up and says,
> > "Daddy, Daddy!
> > Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
> > The guy
> > slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past
> > his
> > screaming wife, and rips open the closet door. Sure enough, there
> > is his
> > brother, totally naked, cowering on the floor. "You rotten
> > bastard," says
> > the husband, "my wife's having a heart attack and you're running
> > around
> > naked scaring the kids!"
> >
>
>
>______________________________________________________
Tell'UM Where you Got'UM.....
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THE PHUNNY PHARM

A farmer was sitting in a bar. He kept saying, some things you just can't explain.
A man next to the farmer, asked him what your problem?
The old farmer stated, some things you just can't explain.
He said tell me about it old man. The old farmer stated I was milking my Cow, I had one bucket nearly full, and she took her left foot and kicked over the bucket. I took a piece of rope and tied her left foot. After getting the bucket almost full the second time she took her right foot and kicked it over again. I took a piece of rope and tied her right foot. I started filling the bucket the third time and the heffer knocked the bucket over again. This time she did it with her tail. Some things you just can't explain. I did not have another piece of rope, so I took out my belt from my trousers and tied her tail with it. Some things you just can't explain. Soon after I removed my belt, my pants fell to my ankles. About the same time my wife walked in, like I said, some things you just can't explain.

>>> ONLY IN AMERICA >>> >>> Only in America...can a pizza get to your house >>> faster >>> than an ambulance... >>> >>> Only in America...are there handicap parking places >>> in front of a skating >>> rink... >>> >>> Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk >>> all the way to the back >>> of the store to get their prescriptions. >>> >>> Only in America...do people order double cheese >>> burgers, a large fry, and a >>> diet coke... >>> >>> Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and >>> then chain the pens to >>> the counters... >>> >>> Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands >>> of dollars in the >>> driveway and put useless junk in the garage... >>> >>> Only in America...do we use answering machines to >>> screen calls and then have >>> call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we >>> didn't want to talk to >>> in the first place... >>> >>> Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of >>> ten and buns in packages >>> of eight... >>> >>> Only in America... do they have drive-up ATM >>> machines with Braille >>> lettering! >>> TELLUM WHERE YOU GOTUM http://go.to/dougsjokes.com  THE PHUNNY PHARM

DALE Earnhardt, Mark Martin, and Jeff Gordon were riding to the next racetrack. One of them noticed a leg sticking out of the woods. After stopping to check it out, they found it to be a dead body, completely nude. It was the body of a young girl. Dale Earnhardt, took off his hat and placed in over her face. Mark Martin took off his hat and placed it over her breast. Jeff Gordon took off his hat and placed it over her mid section. After calling the police on their cell phone, a cop came to investigate. He walked over to the nude girl and raised DALE Earnhardt's hat and looked at her face and replaced the hat. He then picked Mark Martin's hat from her breast, looked, and then replaced the hat. He then looked at Jeff Gordon's hat at her mid section. He raised the hat, looked, lowered the hat. He raised the hat again, and let it back down to be in. Once more, he raised the hat and let it back down. Jeff Gordon asked? Are you some time of pervert? No, the cop said. Any other Jeff Gordon hat I have ever seen had an asshole under it.

Tell them where you got them. http://go.to/dougsjokes.com/ THE PHUNNY PHARM