| ||||||||||||||||||
| ||||||||||||||||||
See A Redneck Vibrator CLICK HERE Jeffrey Dahmer's Bologna Really Did Have A First Name. Historians have determined that the inventor of the toothbrush must have been from West Virginia, otherwise it would have been called a teethbrush. What do you call a midget fortuneteller that escaped from prison? A small,medium at large. While driving through town you accidentally ran over a blind man crossing the road with his redtipped cane,When the cops get there the first thing you'll say is, "I'm sorry officer I didn't see him". ___________________________________________________________ Light travels faster than sound, this is why some people appear intelligent until you hear them talk. _____________________________________________________________________ A woman got on a crowded bus looked around and said, look's like someone would let a poor pregnant woman sit down. A gentleman quickly jumped up and give her his seat. After she sat down the man looked her over from head to toe and noticed she wasn't showing at all. He asked, lady if you don't mind me asking, how long have you been pregnant? She looked at her watch and said, about thirty minutes.. _______________________________________________________ Donald Duck just left his wife, said her QUACK was too big. ____________________________________________________________________________ There are two kinds of men. Those that are hung like a horse,and those that lie about it. ________________________________________________________________________ A teenager walked in a drugstore and asked the pharmacist to purchase a condom. He said,you gonna get lucky tonight? The teen said yes, I'm sure I will. That night he went to pick up his date and her father asked them to just stay home and play monopoly. After playing a couple hours her father went to the bathroom and the girl says I sure didn't know you was so fond os monopoly. The teen said I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist either. __________________________________________________________ The better a woman looks the longer a man does..._______________________________________________________________Why can't divorced women have hemmorids? They got rid of their asshole... What does American Gigolo and Pink Panther have in common? They are both Peter Sellers_______________________________________________________________ What do yo get if you cross a crooked lawer with a crooked politician? CHELSEA _________________________________________________________________________ A man and his wife entered a theatre and took a seat and began to watch the movie. After ten minutes the woman leaned over and whispered in her husbands ear, the man sitting next to me is masterbating. Her husband said lets move and she said I can't he is using my hand. __________________________________________________________________________ PISTON- 2000 pounds of urine. _________________________________________________________________________ One day Clinton was jogging and as he rounded the corner a few blocks from the Whitehouse he was confronted by a prostitute. She shouted "around the world for $20 Dollars". He shouted I'll give you $10 and she said no way. The next day the same thing happened. She shouted not for $10,no way. The third day Hillary was jogging with him and as they rounded the corner where the prostitute stood she shouted you see what you get for $10. ______________________________________________________________________ What do you get if you cross a horse with a black widow spider? I don't know but if it bites you, you can ride it to the doctor. ____________________________________________________ A man and his wife were visiting the zoo. When they passed by the Gorilla cage the ape just went wild. The man yanked open the door and quickly shoved his wife inside, now, tell that s.o.b. you have a headache. ______________________________________________ Two men wanted to marry this farmers daughter so he decided to stage a race around a big field and the winner would win his daughters hand. One man was tall and the other was extremely short. As the race progressed to the far end of the field the little short guys pants fell to his ankles and he was so well endowed he was tripping on his swinging pride. After seeing this the farmers daughter put her hands to her mouth and shouted, cut across the field shorty. _____________________________________________ My wife got mad at me and boasted, I am cutting you off and I told her you can't, you don't know where I'm getting it. _____________________________________________________ A man and his pet monkey walked over to a pool table in a bar and the monkey quickly picked up the Q-ball and swallowed it. The bartender started raising hell, your going to pay for that ball, they don't give them away you know. Three nights later the man and his monkey re-entered the bar. The bartender in a much better mood offered the monkey some peanuts. The monkey grabbed the first peanut, stuck it up his rear and then pulled it out and ate it. Then the second,then the third. The bartender asked what in hell is he doing? The man said oh ever since he passed that Q-ball he checks everything for size before he eats it. ____________________________________________________________ | ||||||||||||||||||
| ||||||||||||||||||
What happens when Jeff Gordon takes viagra? He gets taller. How did Jeff and Brooke Gordon meet? They were both seeing the same guy. _______________________________________ A man went to his friends house to watch a nascar race and brought his dog along. His buddy said why in the shit did you bring that dog? He said he is a big Earnhardt fan and don't miss a race. He said well, but he better be quiet. As the race progressed the TV announcer said Earnhardt is flying he has moved from the 41 spot all the way to 28. The dog started barking and going crazy. He said I told you that dog had to keep quiet, he said He just gets excited when Earnhardt does good. Finally he hushed. In a few minutes the announcer said again, Earnhardt is flying he is in the 18 position now. There went that dog again, BARK,BARK,BARK. I told you bout that dog. He said I'm sorry he just likes him. The man said with him carrying on like that what does he do when Earnhardt wins? The guy said, Hell I don't know, I've only had him a year. | ||||||||||||||||||
| ||||||||||||||||||
HOME | ||||||||||||||||||
|
This page has been visited times. |