Subject: Horoscope for Southerners
> 
> WHAT'S Y'ALL'S SIGN (Horoscope for Southerners)
> 
> It has become pretty obvious to us Southerners that our present
> astrological
> signs
> have served their purpose and that we should get rid of them.  When I'm
> out
> driving around I'll see bulls, and once in a great while I suppose I'll
> even
> see a ram. 
> Up the street from me there's some twins, but I don't see them much.
> The rest
> of these things are just too obscure.  You only see crabs on vacation.
> There
> are no
> lions or scorpions, not many archers and no damn water bearers.
> Virgins?  The
> neighborhood's not crawling with them either.  SO, what we need here is
> some
> relevance.  We need things we can recognize up there in the night sky.
> 
> SCROLL DOWN TO YOUR BIRTH DATE!
> 
> OKRA: Dec 22 - Jan 20
> 
> Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside.
> Okra
> have
> tremendous influence.  An older Okra can look back over his life and see
> the
> seeds
> of his influence everywhere.  Stay away from Moon Pies.
> 
> CHITLIN: Jan 21 - Feb 19
> 
> Chitlins often come from humble backgrounds.  Many times they're
> uncomfortable
> talking about just where they came from.  A chitlin, however, can make
> something
> of himself if he's motivated and has plenty of seasoning.  When it comes
> to
> dealing
> with Chitlins, be very careful.  Chitlins can burn and then erupt like
> Vesuvius, and
> this can make for a really terrible mess.  Chitlins are best with
> Catfish and
> Okra.
> Remember that when marriage time rolls around.
> 
> BOLL WEEVIL: Feb 20 - Mar 20
> 
> You have an overwhelming curiosity.  You're unsatisfied with the surface
> of
> things,
> and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything.
> Needless
> to
> say, you are very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger.
> Nobody
> in
> their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about it.
> 
> MOON PIE: Mar 21 - Apr 20
> 
> You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch.  It's a
> cinch to
> recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies.  "Big" and "round" are
> the key
> words here.  You should marry anybody who you can get remotely
> interested in
> the
> idea.  It's not going to be easy.  This might be the year to think about
> aerobics. 
> Maybe not.
> 
> POSSUM: Apr 21 - May 21
> 
> When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency
> to
> withdraw and develop a "don't-bother-me-about-it" attitude.  Sometimes
> you
> become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead.  This strategy
> is
> probably
> not psychologically healthy, but seems to work for you.  One day,
> however, it
> won't
> work, and you may find your problems actually running you over.
> 
> CRAWDAD: May 22 - Jun 21
> 
> Crawfish is a water sign.  If you work in an office, you're always
> hanging
> around
> the water cooler.  Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool
> to the
> golf
> course, the bathtub to the living room.  You tend not to be particularly
> attractive
> physically, but you have very, very good heads.
> 
> COLLARDS: Jun 22- Jul 23
> 
> Collards have a genius for communication.  They love to get in the
> "melting
> pot" of
> life and share their essence with the essences of those around them.
> Collards
> make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers.  As far
> as
> your
> personal life goes, if you are Collards, stay away from Moon Pies.  It
> just
> won't
> work.  Save yourself a lot of heartache.
> 
> CATFISH: Jul 24 - Aug 23
> 
> Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, with one exception:
> Whiskers
> may cause problems for loved ones.  You catfish are never easy people to
> understand.  You prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life.
> Above
> all
> else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.
> 
> GRITS: Aug 24 - Sep 23
> 
> Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself.  You like to huddle
> together
> with a big crowd of other Grits.  You love to travel, though, so maybe
> you
> should
> think about joining a club.  Where do you like to go?  Anywhere they
> have
> cheese
> or gravy or bacon or butter or eggs.  If you can go somewhere where they
> have
> all
> these things, that serves you well.
> 
> BOILED PEANUTS: Sep 24 - Oct 23
> 
> You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man.  Unfortunately,
> those
> who
> know you best - your friends and loved ones - may find that your
> personality
> is
> much too salty, and their criticism will probably affect you deeply
> because
> you are
> really much softer than you appear.  You should go right ahead and marry
> anybody
> you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life.  On the
> road of
> life,
> you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you.
> 
> BUTTER BEAN: Oct 24 - Nov 22
> 
> Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well with
> everybody.
> You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud.  You've grown on the vine of
> life and
> you
> feel at home no matter what the setting.  You can sit next to anybody.
> However,
> you, too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.
> 
> ARMADILLO: Nov 23 - Dec 21
> 
> You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually
> quite
> gentle.
> A good evening for you?  Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms
> and
> insects.
> You are a throwback.  You're not concerned with today's fashions and
> trends.
> You're not concerned with anything about today.  You're really almost
> prehistoric
> in your interests and behavior patterns.  You probably want to marry
> another
> Armadillo, but Possum is another, somewhat kinky, mating possibility.