Headlines in a recent newspaper.
Two escape police after breaking in drugstore
Two men broke into a drugstore apparently around midnight last night and possibly due to darkness stole many viagra, thinking it was a narcotic drug.
Police say they have no suspects but are still searching for two hardened criminals.
Two Polish men went in the woods in search of a Christmas tree, each carrying a large chainsaw. After walking what seemed like forever, one sat down on an old tree stump, wiped sweat and said to the other, the next tree I come across I'm cutting it down, and I don't give a damn whether it's got lights on it or not.
Two polish guys went in business for themselves. They were driving to Florida buying watermelons, paying $1 each for them and then hauling them up north and selling them for $1 each. This went on for a while and one told the other something is wrong. We just aren't making any money. The other said, I know dumbass, I told you we needed two trucks.
Two rednecks were driving 50 miles a day to work on I85. The driver stopped to buy gas at a joint that sported a sign saying, Enter Free Sex Contest With Each Fill Up. After several times filling up and entering the contest only to be told the following day they didn't win one redneck told the other, You know, I think this contest is rigged, and no one ever wins. The other redneck said bull shit, my wife won twice last week.
An Avon saleslady was on an elevator and a severe gas pain hit her. She looked around and said heck, I'm alone, so she cut loose. The stench was the worse she had ever smelled. She started looking around in her Avon bag and found a spray air freshener that had a pine scent. She sprayed all around the elevator and put it in her bag. When the elevator stopped at the next floor an old drunk got on. What the HELL is that I smell? She said it's the new pine scent air freshener I sell. The drunk said. It smells like somebody shit a Christmas tree..