Weekly GROSS Joke
A Gospel Quartet stopped off the interstate HWY to sing a few songs at a rest home for the elderly. Jack, the lead singer was about to starve and as he was bringing in his microphones and equipment he noticed a bowl of peanuts sitting on the table near the door. Each time he passed he grabed a handfull to hold him until they got back out on the HWY where he could get some food from a restaurant. After several times by the table he realized he had eaten all the peanuts. Finally the equipment was set up and they were ready to sing. Before they started Jack said he had something he had to say. He said it's been quite a while since I have eaten and when I came in I saw the bowl of peanuts and I helped myself. Unintentional I emptied the bowl. I feel very bad about eating all your peanuts. I travel the whole Nation and can eat in any place I please where you all have to stay here all the time and I am very sorry, About this time an oldtimer stood in the back and said, OH heck Jack, don't feel bad bout eatin them nuts, we done sucked all the chocolate off of em..........................................
An old man told his wife he was going to the doctor and get him some some Viagra. She said if your going to do that I'm going to go to the doctor too. He said why would you go to the doctor? She said if your going to stick that rusty thing in me, I'm going to get a tetaneus shot...
A man walks in a whorehouse and slams down a one hundred dollar bill.He tells the maddam he wants the fatest, most ugly,raunchiest bitch in your place! She says you must be mistaken, for one hundred dollars here you get the best we have. He said lady you don't understand, i'm a truckdriver on the road most of the time. Dammit lady I aint horny, I'm homesick...
Two men camping in the mountains had spent four days together, and
they were getting a little testy. One morning, the first friend says,
"You know, we're starting to get on each other's nerves. Why don't we
split up today. I'll hike north and spend the day looking around,
you hike south and spend the day. Then tonight, we'll have dinner
and share our experiences over the campfire." The second friend agrees
and hikes south. The first man hikes north.
That night over dinner, the first man tells his story. "Today I hiked
into a beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a canyon and ate
lunch. Then I swam in a crystal clear mountain lake. As I sat out
and dried, I watched deer come and drink from the stream. The
wildflowers were filled with butterflies and hawks floated all day
overhead.
How was your day?"
The second friend says, "I went south and ran across a set of railroad
tracks. I followed them until I came across a beautiful young woman
tied to the tracks. I cut the ropes off and we had sex in every
imaginable way all afternoon. Finally, when I was so tired I could
barely move, I came back to camp."
"Wow," the first guy says, "did you get a blow job?"
"No," says the second friend. "I couldn't find her head."
What do you call a 300 pound woman with a yeast infection?
A Whopper With Cheese....